Pan Celtic 2021…
Thought I’d do a write up; but bear with me as my spelling and Grammar are pants, I’m even struggling with word!
Day 1
Plymouth, the last time I was here I was packing our house up, me and my wife had met after joining the Royal Navy together
and starting a family here!
I set my alarm for 0630 to ensure I had plenty of time for breakfast and get ready, etc. but inevitably I was wide awake well
before, lying in bed wondering if I had remembered everything I would need for the coming days… “stop doing this joe, get up,
get dressed and get some breakfast!” And that I did! Although the pancakes I ordered weren’t up to much, I forced them down
past the huge knot that was growing in my stomach with all the ‘what-if’s’ whirling around in my head.
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Back to the room; bike sorted; out the door and down to the ferry where other rides were starting to queue and talking about the
coming weather. We needn’t have talked long as no sooner had we disembarked the ferry, the heavens opened.
A steady pootle up to the start line and my legs didn’t feel too good, could it be the Guinness from the night before watching the
football with Paul? I was set to depart at 1006 but after arriving at the start we were all told it was being delayed till 1030 for a
mass start. It was full on ‘ossing it down now and we were all considering what to wear or send on to the finish in our drop bags.
I opted to keep everything and I’m glad I did as I wore my ‘Gabba and Spatz’ overshoes plenty over the coming days.
1030 we all filtered out from the nice dry ex-military shelters of ‘Maker Heights’, a rousing speech from Matt atop the welsh
embassy (motorhome) and we were away! I was about 10th onto the road and was taking it really steady as it was a river of mud
and gravel from the surrounding fields, down the first big hill and someone had decked it in the bottom. I was going to stop but
they were straight up and back on their feet before I drew level. All I had going through my head was “slow down Joe, first and
foremost is to finish!”
The day went on with toing and froing as we stopped to take photos, wee breaks and removing layers as the weather cleared up.
I chatted with stacks of people, but being me I can’t for the life of me remember names!
The next few hours are a blur of massive inclines and amazing views until I got near St Austell where I knew there was a McDs.
This was confirmed by John and Richard who I’d been riding with on and off for the last hour. We filled our faces and off we go.
A few more hours of ups and downs and another McDonalds! I shouldn’t have gone in really as there was a massive queue of
other riders and if I’m honest, I wasn’t that hungry and had plenty stashed but the nerves got to me.
The day continued with 20-30% abrupt coastal roads and the rider ‘chit chat’ until the sun started to set and the conversation
turned to sleep. My plan had always been to ride through the night but as I passed Goonhilly and onto Helston, I reminisced over
being at RNAS Culdrose, training for OP fresco. I found myself on my own and the voice in my head was saying “find somewhere
to sleep!” Everywhere I saw had someone in, and then… Boom! Big stone bus stop! About 0030 I pulled in but I was still in two
minds about sleep, I got my kit out and laid there mulling everything over, then just like that I looked at my phone and it was 0330.
About 250km 4000m done, I can’t be exact as I forgot to stop my wahoo.
Day 2
Cold wet kit back on and into the dark. Just as I was leaving someone?(No idea who) Pulled up on their bike and asked if I was
going, hot bunking in a bus stop, you cant make this shit up! Penzance was next and low and behold loads of places to kip! I was
on the hunt for water now and there wasn’t anywhere open yet, so I did my usual and started looking down driveways! Big climb
out of the village and there it was, a hose pipe left out, sneaked up the drive, big drink and both bottles filled, next stop Lands
End.
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I arrived just after sunrise and the views approaching were amazing, but Lands End itself was a bit underwhelming really. A quick
photo and I was heading north. I Found a little shop in Pendeen which had a toilet block across the road, full re-supply and
ablutions compete I was off again. Now in my head it wasn’t that far from here to the first checkpoint….
The next few hours of riding, my wahoo started to throw a strop, I’ve never had this before so at the top of St Ives I decided to do
a restart, reloaded the route and carried on. Now on familiar-ish roads as we have holidayed around this part of Cornwall for
years.
I was super tired and stopped for food here and there, not really for the food more just to stop, an excuse. Padstow came and a
much needed cone of chips, I wanted a big pasty from Chough bakery but the queues were daft, harumph! Up the Camel trail
and more memories. From here the route really started to mess with my head as I knew, where everything was and kept thinking
not far now to Boscastle, but no. zig zagging in different directions and numerous off-road sections put paid to that. It was on one
of these I had my first and only ‘off’, a deep rutted bridleway, trying to avoid a massive puddle I went to change ruts and down I
went, nothing serious just clonked my funny bone, funny it was not! At least the sun was out eh? Up and down signs came for
Boscastle saying 5 mile, 5 miles later another, 4 miles WTF! And then I saw it in the distance a huge downhill and I was there
CP1. 1440 190km 3400m approx
I was greeted by Pete. Brevet card stamped and told the script, toast, tea, shower etc. Amongst the chatter there was talk of a
storm coming in. I hung up my kit to dry got in a bed and went to sleep, no alarm, just go with the flow. 2 hours later I was wide
awake, thinking ‘OK, eat more, drink more and get going again’, I looked outside and it was sideways rain.
Now I sort of regret not just going as its just wet isn’t it? and it’s supposed to be a race, but the voice in my head was, ‘fuck that
getting soaked again’. Quite a few had arrived now and were suiting up for the weather. I checked my phone and the decision
was made, it’s supposed to stop after 0400. A few others including Rich who I had chatted with the day before also opted to bunk
up for the night, so me and Richard hot footed it to the Spar before it closed and straight into the pub for a pint and pie n chips
before bed.
Day 3
‘It feels like a week already now.’
0400 and wide awake, we sneak downstairs past sleeping bodies all over and into the kitchen, no electric! We kidnap the kettle
and plug it in upstairs on the landing (adapt and overcome) a coffee and a pot noodle later and we are off! Straight into a
succession of monsters (hills), it was the norm now! We caught up with 2 others (Scott and Anthony) who had left just before us
and the pair of us toed and froe’d all day. I called into a co-op in Hatherleigh and this is where my addiction of cold coffee and
multi fruit juice started, you can only eat so much in a day but you can drink the calories! Richard caught back up with me and
we rode and chatted away. Then, Woah! An articulated lorry on a tiny lane, I don’t know how I stopped but I saw how Rich did,
straight on the deck, he was ok but somehow on the edge of the tarmac he’d ripped his tyre open. We tidied ourselves up and
squeezed into the hedge to let the wagon pass.
I think rich thought this was game over but with a £10 note stuffed in over a new tube we were on our way and on the hunt for a
bike shop. 20 minutes later and my drive train locked up, luckily I wasn’t mid effort as I think the rear derailleur would have ripped
off. A little investigation and my jockey wheels had seized, I took them to pieces threw what was left of the bearings away and
replaced the jockey wheels, now we both needed a bike shop! Internet search and the next town Tiverton had a Halfords, they
could sort Rich out but not me! Another search and an ask around and I found Ron’s. A little shop, he had nothing! After a little
pleading and haggling I managed to buy the jockey wheels from a 90s 9spd MTB totally wrong fit but at least they rotated! Both
of us went into the café across the road for bacon and egg sarnies, milkshake and espressos. I had no plans as to where I wanted
to get but knew I wanted to kip out as the weather was good. Into Glastonbury, a lot more quirky than I imagined and into the
pizza shop. 2 pizzas, one for now and one for later.
We cruised along into the dark, I think Rich would have been happy to stop earlier and in digs but I still felt really good, probably
the amount of cans of cold coffee and fruit juice helped?
Then all of a sudden there it was, Stone Henge!
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A quick photo which you couldn’t see and onwards onto what I had heard chatter
about, the ‘of- road’ section. I thought it would just be gravelly paths as before, but oh no! Full on deep rutted tracks with very
deep puddles, in the dark! Much walking and cussing and there it appeared, a giant barn, a quick inspection and all was good,
looked like it had housed other comrades judging by the clean patches on the floor.
Kit out, and into bed
2345 nearly 18hrs out with 287km 3623m
Day 4
0430 alarm and we were up.
I ate the rest of the pizza I had left over from last night, got dressed and packed away. As we were getting ready I saw India
bombing down the tracks and thought you go, she was flying! Impressed we re-joined the track and set off 2 minutes later. India
was fixing a pinch flat, I thought she was going a bit too well on the terrain! A quick chat to see if she was all good and off we
went. 5 minutes later we saw Jack who we had passed the afternoon before on the hunt for bike establishments.
Me and rich began to drift apart again and before long I was on my own and a bit ‘hank marvin’. The signs ahead said Radstock,
my brother-in-law used to live here, and I knew where the shops were, a quick detour and a bacon and sausage baguette was
found and 4 cold coffees one for now and 3 in the bag. Off again and 20 minutes later I caught back up to rich, he was gutted he
hadn’t found the sarnie shop and was on the look-out for food, I could feel my bowels bubbling now, so was also on a hunt! We
pulled into a campsite and I dashed into the latrine, Rich went in for food, I didn’t see him again until the top of the big hill in
Wales.
I rode on after our departure and met up with a ‘dot-watcher’ who had come out for a ride to meet clan riders, we only got to chat
for 15 mins as I turned onto a main road and he said it was a bit busy for him. Alone again and on through Cheddar Gorge and
back into full wet weather gear, Torrential …Again, I didn’t get to revel in its magnificence as I was dodging rivers and crap on
the road. It was now back from ‘rolling’ to ‘proper’ climbing.
Just past the Yeo Valley yogurt factory I pulled into a carpark for a photo and another rider came flying past, phone away and
‘hot-pursuit’ mode. I caught up 15 mins later, it was Callum. We rode and chatted for a bit, then did the hokey cokey again. I
stopped at a shop to refill and took all my wet stuff off to dry as the sun came out. As I was eating Callum turned up again and
we chatted for 10 as we ate. We set off and rode together again, both noticing we had similar kit, it was then I remembered! I left
my jacket hung over the railing at the shop! 2 miles back down a hill and it was still there, off again and on my own. It didn’t take
long though before we were back together. Much of the same until we went over the Clifton suspension bridge as Callum was
looking to book a room for later. I saw 2 dot-watchers just after and having my name called out really put a smile on my ugly mug.
I on the other hand was still winging it and didn’t know where I wanted to stop. The Severn bridge came and I don’t know why, it
felt quite monumental, did a little Facebook ‘live’ as I went across and it was nice for the messages of encouragement. I got
trucking again and it was nice for the big scenery changes as although going out around Salisbury was beautiful it’s not a patch
on the rest of the ride.
I then began to think about my end of day plans so looked for a room online, I could find nothing in Newport, Caerphilly or
Pontypridd, Oh!
But there was a Travelodge in Swansea…
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My word, the hills man! I don’t think I’ve ever been as tired and not been able to stop. One after the other I very slowly picked
them off (can’t remember their names) and crested the last for a dissent into Port Talbot and rode straight into Mcds, starving
and very thirsty about 2200. Food inhaled and a mad dash down the road in the dark to Swansea, oh man criss-crossing the
cycleways wasn’t quick and I found the Travelodge at 2300, got a pizza and checked in.
304km. 3671m
Day 5
After about 6 hours kip I woke, ate the rest of the pizza and set off. Called into Marks and Sparks to treat myself to more cold
coffee, juice and marzipan bars. I looked at my phone and Callum was near-by? It was a beautiful day and a beautiful route. I
met Scott in Carmarthen Mcds we ate and rode together until his ‘blue’ and my ‘red’ route parted ways. I didn’t realise it was
just a little detour. I called at a local garage for a resupply. Then I put my foot down. All was great apart from after Pembroke
where the lovely back lanes had 15ft high hedges and it felt like being in a maze, and a bit disorientiating. Dropping back on the
coast was a great lift and it wasn’t long before I had CP2 in my sights.
I don’t know why but I really got ahead of myself here and phoned Fliss to make sure I hadn’t gone passed the checkpoint!
And then there it was, just before sunset. A nice steady un-eventful day, Perfect. 2115
Hello’s to everyone, Brevet card stamped and a pot noodle I bought in Pembroke (2 actually) while we watched the sunset.
About 2200 and Callum came in. it turned out he had stayed in the same hotel as me the floor below, after this we shared
numbers so not to waste money on accommodation again, both tight Yorkshire men! A shower and kit wash, it was banging
and to bed.
227km 2782m
Day 6
Callum and I departed together at 0800 and rode to Fishguard and stopped at Tesco for a full re supply, from here we toed-andfroed as my knee had decided to start hurting, there had been a bit of an ache before but this really hurt and I had to start on the
Ibuprofen. It was strange as it wasn’t there all the time but I had to stop every now and again to stretch. After many ups and
downs and back and forth between me and Callum we decided to get a room in Rhayader because there wasn’t much after.
Turned out his posterior was in tatters and struggling a bit also. It was a great choice as it turned out as we got there early. I
originally booked it for myself but the female proprietor of the Lion Royal Hotel was an absolute diamond and swapped us to a
twin single room, washed our kit and set up for an early breakfast for us. Not 10 minutes after she took our kit, I remembered I’m
allergic to most washing powder, oh well, too late now! Showered and a pint later we walked next door for some food and the
legend Mike Sheldrake was finishing a pizza we had a good chat and went on his way. A burger and chips was the order of the
day and we took them back and had another pint with them while we told the other guest of our voyage so far.
192km 2767m
Day 7
Awake for 0630 and in breakfast for 0700, it was a cracker cereal, toast, full cooked, coffee and juice.
Kit collected dressed and across the road in Spar filling our bags for the day ahead. Straight back into the hills and my knee was
giving me jip again. I then had a brainwave, my knee was touching my stem bag, maybe it was that? I moved it onto my aero
bars and that was it, it didn’t stop the dull ache but the pain that kept coming was stopped. We met up with a top group of lads
from the Go Vegas/isn’t it audax club who rode with us for a bit. There were some monster climbs but we took them all in our
stride, we met up with Jason and someone else? Just before the big one Bwlch y Groes, got to say we both got up it, I had to
stop for a minute on the cattle grid, the real sucker punch came as, as we knew there was a loop of Welshpool and an ascent of
the opposite side, I christened it the ‘red loop of doom.’ It was a beautiful loop but I had in the back of mind we had to get back
out of here, a petrol station meal deal and a few hours later we were on our way up.
This turned into walk a bit ride a bit as someone walking their dog was going at the same speed as us up the hill! We got to the
top just as the sun was setting and we met Rich with Sarah and the other Jason, Toby was up there with Jason as well. We
checked, but everything was closed or closing in the next 10 so the decision was made to go to Bala, about 5 miles off route but
there was a pizza shop. Whilst scoping out a bivvi spot, as I emerged from a barn we met some of the Bristol Audax club who
were doing a 600k fixed gear ride, go figure! They told us they were going to Bala for a pizza so we followed on. Into town we
saw a bunk house and asked about beds but was told it was full, little did I know but Callum had phoned but no one answered
so we ate our pizzas and went to the Spar ready for a bivvi and early start, just before we left his phone rang, it was the owner
and she had a twin single room left, but we had to get there quick as she was going to bed. Result! Straight in and shower, it was
when I looked in the mirror at the massive Dhobey rash I had! Don’t let someone else was your kit joe!
I went downstairs and plugged in my Di2 as it was very low and hadn’t been shifting into the big ring half the day, not that it
mattered! 2300 and in bed.
208km. 3217m
Day 8
0700 alarm call and pizza for breakfast, I nipped down and changed my rear pads as they were low and I had all my bits out to
get to the Di2 charger, thought it would save getting all my spare shit out another time.
Today we had a plan! Just get near Anglesey and tackle rest the next day, we had both said we wanted to finish before the party
and we were over a day ahead. So off we set to re-join the route where we left off. We had a few more hours of climbing before
we hit the coast, and once again there was some beauties but it was great to see the coast and I was hankering after fish and
chips and we made Porthmadog about 1230. It had been a nice day up until then but 15 minutes after finishing dinner the heavens
opened and it didn’t really stop for the rest of the day. A room was booked in Bangor as it was the weekend and Euro finals and
everywhere else was full and we got there at half time, ate a bunch of stuff procured at the 24 hour garage, showered and got to
sleep
215km 2178m
Day 9
The end.
We had chatted the night before and Callum had said ‘if you want to crack on, go for it.’
We rode back down to where we left the course and crossed the Menai bridge, I knew the route (ish) as we had toured the coast
in the motorhome and knew it was a big aero bars day, as soon as the legs got warmed up I gave Callum a tap and I got on the
bars and just churned it out. There was a little off-road bit around the back of the air base where we had sat with a bacon sarnies
and watched the planes take off a few years before. I was just reminiscing when a chicken ran out and between my wheels! I
don’t know how I stayed on and I don’t know if the chicken was ok? It just ran off! Adrenaline pumping I got back to it, with the
food I got the night before I knew I didn’t have to stop, apart from one wee, I didn’t and it’s a bit of a blur. I remember getting a bit
emotional coming back over the bridge and then realising it was still a way to go. Up and over the cycleway, which is a feat of
engineering and into a village there was a dot-watcher shouting my name which really spurred me on, I got to the Great Orme
and really took my time at it as I thought about where I had been, from starting where I met my wife to where we had our last
holiday together, it was a real rollercoaster. Then a Landrover pulled along-side and woke me! “Down-hill from here Joe” he was
right, it was. I coasted into Llandudno at 1609. What an adventure, my mate Morgs came a minute after I arrived with beers, I
chatted with the others who had got in until Callum got in and went for a shower, Chinese and a few more cans.
188km 2161m
Afterthoughts
On the whole everything went pretty well for me, could I have done it quicker? Maybe. Would I have had problems or not
enjoyed it like I did, if I had? Probably.
So yeah I’m happy with everything. I didn’t use my tarp and stopped a couple more nights in hotels than I envisaged, but that’s
why I don’t like to plan stuff.
Thank you to everyone I met on the way, riders, dot-watchers, hotel owners, people I bumped into on route and organisers,
Amazing what you’ve created something really special here, you’ve all changed my life a little.
Also a massive thanks to my wife, who has let me have ‘carte blanche’ for the last few months.
Will I do it again? Hopefully!
For those who ask why? You’ll just have to do one and find out for yourselves…